Please direct your attention to this dramatic reenactment of the last hour in our parking lot. Y’all have the grace of a newborn giraffe on roller skates, and I can’t watch it anymore.
WE ARE CLOSING TONIGHT AT 8 PM.
You should be thanking me for making the brave choice to protect our customers and employees. I am single-handedly preventing a spike in orthopedic surgeries in Putnam County. Go home.
IMPORTANT STAFF UPDATE: Everyone has been sent home to be with their families. Except Rob. Rob is not allowed to leave. He has been chosen as the tribute to the Ice King. If you drive by and see him pressing his face against the glass, just keep driving.
#Cookeville #IceStorm #PrayForRob #RoastedHempCo #ClosingEarly #SafetyThird